Support for a Grieving Friend or Loved One
by Kay Blankenship, LCPC
Grief is a complex emotion, and the experience is unique to each person. Are you wondering how to console or support a friend or loved one navigating grief and loss? Although everyone responds differently, your presence does matter. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a beloved family pet, or dealing with a major loss such as a job, health or relationship, here are some things to keep in mind when supporting others.
Consider that grievers have a right to experience grief in their own unique way.
While your own personal experiences with grief may help you relate, it’s important to not assume to know how others are feeling or expect them to grieve in a specific timeline or manner. You may not fully understand their circumstances or needs. Grief is a process and the death of a loved one changes people forever. It’s not that your friend won’t ever be happy, it’s that they won’t ever be the same as they were before the death. The grieving process is very personal and unique, and it is important not to rush anyone to move on, heal quickly, or tell them what they should or should not be feeling.
Listen compassionately.
Listening is a powerful way to support someone who is grieving, as many bereaved need to take the time to cry, vent, share memories, or even just sit in silence with someone and let them know that you will be there for them. Be present and actively listen with compassion. This often means listening twice as much as we are talking. Tell them that you will be there for them and let them know that it’s natural to feel more than one emotion at the same time such as confusion, guilt or anger.
Make specific offers of assistance to help.
Navigating grief can feel overwhelming, so offering a helping hand can provide relief. In the midst of grief, your loved one may not grasp what help they need, or they may have difficulty asking for assistance. Instead of asking “is there anything I can do to help?”, offer specific help, such as “I’m going shopping later, is there anything I can get you while I’m there?” There are countless ways to offer support from assisting with shopping, cooking, and funeral arrangements to helping with laundry, driving, and even going with them to attend support groups. Even something as simple as a puzzle can provide a welcome distraction.
Remember - recovery takes time.
Provide continuous support even after a funeral as grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries may bring sadness. Continue to check in periodically and offer support or to even be a distraction. One of the tasks of mourning involves adjusting to the world without the deceased in three ways: external (living daily without the person), internal (questioning who am I?), and spiritual.
Learn the difference between grief and depression.
It’s common for a grieving person to feel down and disconnected from others. If you notice over time that they are exhibiting signs of depression, encourage the grieving person to seek professional help. Major depression can be manifested in alcohol or drug abuse, difficulty completing daily tasks, neglecting personal hygiene, changes in appetite or sleep habits or talking about dying or suicide. But remember, your strength also lies in recognizing your own boundaries. Advice and diagnoses are best shared by a professional. If you have worked with a counselor in the past, share how that trusted advisor offered comfort. Offer to identify a few counselors for their consideration but let them decide when seeking therapy is appropriate.
Ask a counselor for assistance.
If you are unsure of how to support a grieving loved one, reach out to a counselor for support and strategies for yourself. The process of helping a loved one through bereavement can cause uncertainty and stress. You can learn to identify boundaries and tools to help you manage your own mental health while helping someone else.
Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing stop you from being present for someone experiencing grief. Listen, offer time and support, and show that you care. If support becomes uncomfortable or feels ineffective, don’t be afraid to reach out to a licensed counselor for guidance. The positive impact you can leave on someone during their time of bereavement can last a lifetime.
©Balanced LLC 2025
About the Author
Kay Blankenship is board certified and a licensed clinical professional counselor at Balanced LLC in Washington, Illinois. She has been in the field of education and mental health for more than twenty years and completed her MPC at University of Providence in Montana. Kay has a passion for developing wellness and suicide prevention programming; is a certified QPR suicide prevention trainer and serves as a consultant for communities and organizations.